


The Last Goodbye

by rocketjams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: BoKuroo Week, Day One, Even if you cry, I apologize for nothing, It's angst, M/M, There's also a time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 00:16:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18324848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketjams/pseuds/rocketjams
Summary: A sudden hole appeared in Kuroo's heart and salty tears began to flow unchecked from his eyes as the harsh reality took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely. His mind was in shambles, still trying to comprehend what happened. Nothing felt real, it didn't make sense. He was so sure that he had just saw him. Yet such a thing was just as Kenma said -- impossible.





	The Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> For Bokuroo Week, Day One: Supernatural.  
> Honestly, I felt like this could of been better if I had more time I would of like to expand on various elements but oh well. I hope you all like it.

“Is it true?” Bokuto asked, not daring to meet Kuroo's gaze.

“Yeah,” Kuroo nodded, twiddling his thumbs together. “It's the best thing I can do right now.”

“But Hokkaido? You have to go that far?”

“My mom spent a lot of time finding this doctor. If there's any hope in healing my legs, it's there.”

Bokuto pushed himself off the bench and walked out to the center court, “We haven't even been in college for a year? Hell! The season hasn't even started! Why?! Why did this-” Bokuto's voice began to crack. “Why did this have to happen to us?”

“You mean me?”

“What?”

“This happened to me.” Kuroo said, reaching down to roll wheels on his chair forward. “I was the one that tried to save the kid that day. I'm the one that got hit. You, you can still play.”

“What use is playing if not together?!” Bokuto snapped. “We've waited for this moment for so long and now we might never get to-”

“Hey!” Kuroo yelled. “I don't know what is you're thinking but I plan on making a full recovery. Just watch, I'll be back on the court in no time.”

Bokuto finally tore his eyes away from the court, glancing back at his black haired friend. “How do you know though?”

Kuroo swallowed hard, before gazing up at Bokuto with a tight lipped smile. “Because I don't have any other option, if I remember correctly we promised to play side by side, right? To become the best."

“But none of that matters now if-”

“Hell if it doesn't!” Kuroo countered. “You better enjoy your time as limelight while you can before I get back. Cause once I get back all eyes are going to be on me!”

Bokuto stared at his friend in shock for a moment before laughter spilled from his lips, “Whatever! You think just because you're good looking you can out do me.”

“I don't think, I know so!”

Laughter soon echoed throughout the gym, though it wasn't a playful laughter nor was it cynical, it was ironic. Life had taken the worst possible outcome and made it a reality. The dream they had and plans they made were falling apart from the seams but all they could do was laugh in the face of such disaster. Trying their best to mask their pain and disappointment. 

As the laughter slowly came to a stop, Kuroo glanced down at his legs; both had been shattered completely because of the accident. He knew full well there was like than a 15% chance he would ever walk again, let alone play. But he wanted to believe, believe that there was a chance that even against all odds he could one day stand on the court again beside Bokuto.

_“Let go all the way to the top! Just me and you.”_

Bokuto's own words echoed in his head as his heart began to drown in guilt, knowing for a fact that he would never be able to keep that promise he made all those months ago. Yet as painful as is was to bare such guilt, the thought of the pain it would bring Kuroo kept it bay. 

“When are you leaving?” Bokuto finally spoke up, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.

“Tomorrow.”

“That soon, huh?”

“Well the sooner I get there, the sooner I can leave.”

“Yeah, I guess you're right.”

Kuroo looked at his friend with soft eyes, it was obvious that Bokuto was trying hard to maintain a brave face despite the circumstances. No matter how they looked at it, nothing about this situation was gonna be easy for them.

“Hey before I leave I-” Kuroo’s words were stopped short at the sound of his phone ringing. “Sorry one second.”

Bokuto nodded watching as he answered the call, “Hello?”

…

“Yeah.”

…

“I’m at the school.”

…

“Yeah I’m with Bokuto.”

…

“Alright, alright I hear you. I’ll be home soon.”

Kuroo ended the call with a sigh, “That was my mom. She wants me to go home and help pack.”

“Well you better go and don’t worry about this place, okay? Just focus on getting better.”

“I’m not worried about here, this place is probably going to be the exact same when I get back. I’m worried about you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah like what if you mess up and the first thing I have to do when I get back is pull the team out of a losing streak.”

Bokuto’s jaw dropped, “Like hell that would happen!”

Kuroo laughed again but for some reason couldn’t ignore the uneasy feeling that was building in his stomach.  “Sure if you say so. I guess I’ll have to take your word for it. Just call me every once in a while would you?”

“Oh,” Bokuto reached up grabbing the back of his head. “Uh I’ll try, no promises though okay? Like I said, focus on getting better.”

 _Why do you keep saying that?_ Kuroo tried to hide the hurt in his eyes as he nodded, “Alright. Well I’ll guess I’ll be going.”

“Okay.”

Kuroo though not exactly prepared to leave started to make his way towards the exit. His uneasiness only growing with every inch.

“Hey Tetsu,” Bokuto said suddenly, causing Kuroo to stop just before the door.

“Yeah?”

Bokuto swallowed hard, not exactly sure what it was he wanted to say, “Uh, Thank you.”

“Thank you? What are you thanking me for?”

“Nothing much.” Bokuto shrugged. "I'm just glad to have you in my life."

Kuroo’s eyebrows knitted together as his head tilted off to the side. “Um, thank you too. I guess?”

Bokuto smiled wide and nodded, “Make sure to take care of yourself.”

Kuroo paused before nodding along in agreement, “Alright.”

Once he was sure Kuroo was gone, Bokuto fell to the gym floor. His legs having gave out, the weight of the guilt being to much to carry. Breathing heavily, he reached up and gripped his chest. “Why didn’t I tell him?”

***Three Years Later***

Kuroo gripped his cane tightly as he stood in front of the large gym doors. It had been so long since he last seen this place. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. And while he didn’t expect anyone to be there on a early Sunday morning, just the possibility that he could be seen, no matter how small was enough to unnerve him. And the thought of possibly running into _him_ , was enough to make his stomach twirl around like ballerinas. Kuroo hadn't talk to or seen Bokuto in two years; not because they had a falling out or because he didn't want to but because life had naturally gotten in the way. With Bokuto focused on school and Kuroo on treatment, time naturally got away from them both. 

“Do you want me to go in with you?”  Kenma asked.

“No, I want to do this by myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright,” Kenma shrugged. “I’m gonna go wait by the car. Call me if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

Kuroo watched as Kenma disappeared towards the parking lot before turning back to the door and taking a deep breath, “Here goes nothing.”

As he stepped inside the gym's lights turned on automatically making it obvious was alone. _No surprise there._ I was just him and the volleyball net which stood center court.

“Did no one take it down?” He thought aloud as he walked towards it.

It was strange, being there again after so long. However, Kuroo could still remember everything about this place and the memories it held. From the first time he and Bokuto had stepped onto the court for tryouts to the day they said the last goodbye; all of it was crystal clear. Reaching the center of the court Kuroo extended his free hand before grabbing hold of the net. This net was no doubt different from the last time he was there, a new one all together probably but still somewhat familiar.

Letting out a sigh, Kuroo glanced around the gym once more and then looked down at his legs. This was not the way he wanted to return home. Though his legs had healed and due to almost two years of physical therapy Kuroo had successfully regained the ability to walk. Granted he still needed a cane to support his weight but anything was better than the wheelchair he had been condemn to for all that time. However, being on the court after everything that happened was still hard. All Kuroo wanted was to play again, to be free and jump high above the net once more. But it was hopeless now.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” A familiar voice called out.

Kuroo glanced up to see tall figure standing at the other edge of the court.

“Bokuto? Is that you?” Kuroo asked, recognizing his voice almost immediately.

“You caught me.” Bokuto laughed as he stepped out of the shadows.

“When did you-” Kuroo glanced around the room.

“It's been awhile,” Bokuto said walking towards the center of the court as well. “How have you been?”

“Um, well I'm alive. I got that much going for me.”

Bokuto chuckled, “Well life's only good if you're actually living it, what's wrong? I thought you would be happy to see me.”

Kuroo shrugged, casting his gaze aside. Bokuto's sudden presence had thrown him into a state of confusion and his overt friendliness which seemed to presume up the intimacy they once shared didn't make it any easier.

“Hey, come on. Say something.”

“Like What?”

“Hmm, I don't know, anything is fine. I just miss your voice.”

“My voice?”

“Yeah-Oh I know!” Bokuto exclaimed. “My name. Say my name.”

Kuroo lifted one of his eyesbrows upward as he stared at Bokuto for a few seconds, unsure as to what had compelled him to say such a thing.

“Bokuto?” Kuroo said in an unsure tone of voice.

“No, _my_ name.”

“Koutarou?”

“Close, I'm talking about the one you gave me.”

Kuroo pondered for a moment. Confused at first as to what it was Bokuto was getting at but soon out of nowhere it was like everything clicked. “Kou?”

It was a nickname, Kuroo had given him in retaliation to the recurring Tetsu nickname everyone had decided on.

Bokuto let out a small laugh, “Ahh yes that's so refreshing. Man, I missed you.”

A slight shade of pink bad dyed Kuroo's cheeks as he averted his gaze once again. “Well, I guess I missed you too.”

Bokuto smiled and glanced down at Kuroo's cane, “Why don't we go take a seat on the bleachers?”

“No!” Kuroo shouted suddenly. “I mean- I'm fine. Really. I want to stand.”

Bokuto stared at his friend for a while before nodding, “Okay that's fine. Let's stand then.”

“Sorry,” Kuroo relented. “I don't mean to be rude."

"You're not being rude."

"I guess it's just hard for me to see you like this after so long. It's not how I imagined us meeting up again. To be honest I only wanted to see you again once I was healed.”

“Really?”

“Yeah I thought that you’d come to my home. Or I’d run into you on the street. Maybe look you up, when I was ready."

“I don't think there's anything wrong with us seeing each other now. You look fine to me.”

“Come on,” Kuroo said, a small crack in his voice. “You can obviously see that I'm far from healed.”

“Yeah but I mean you're walking.”

“Barely.”

“It's better than nothing.”

“But-”

Bokuto looked at Kuroo with soft eyes, “But what?”

“Nothing. I just don't get it.”

“Get what?”

“You?”

“Me?!” Bokuto said, surprised at the sudden accusation.

“Yeah! Why are you so clam and accepting of this. Aren't you suppose mad at me right now?”

“Why would I be made at you?!”

Kuroo stopped for a split second, his words stumbling. “Be-Because I, I um, I broke my promise. It’s been almost three years now and I'm still nowhere near being able to play again.”

Silence fell between the two boys once more but this time it was different. This time, it felt deliberate. Kuroo's lips pressed into a firm line as he waited for Bokuto's response and after what felt like forever he finally spoke. “I don’t think I have the right to be upset.”

“What’s that’s suppose mean?”

“Well I didn’t necessarily keep my promise either.” Bokuto admitted. “I told you we were gonna go to the top, and obviously that never happen.”

“But that’s not your fault!” Kuroo defended.

“Yeah but even after you left; I was suppose to go on and play for the both of us and yet, I couldn’t even do that.”

Kuroo wore a puzzled expression as he pressed for more information, “What do you mean?”

Bokuto’s eye twitched involuntarily at the corner, his mouth forming a rigid grimace as his arms folded tightly across his broad chest all the while staring at Kuroo. Almost as if he was contemplating what to say next.

“Just spit it out already,” Kuroo groaned. “You’re kind of scaring me.”

“Sorry I just don’t know how to say this,” Bokuto relented. “Also I really think you should sit down.”

“Tell me to sit down one more time. I dare you.”

“Okay, Okay.” Bokuto said, putting his hands up. “It's just I meant to tell this a long time ago, but there was never a good time and aft-”

“Bokuto!” Kuroo snapped. “Quit stalling.”

“Right.” The gray haired boy nodded, taking one last deep breath. “I’m sick.”

“Sick?”

“Yeah, it's kind of a long story but it started a few weeks before we graduated.” Bokuto began to explain. “I had a really bad pain in the upper part of my stomach. I tried to ignore it but it started to hurt my back too after awhile. So my mom took me to get examined, I assumed that I had probably just pulled something.”

Kuroo felt his heart drop in his stomach as Bokuto continued, “But after the examination, they called us a few days later and told my mom I needed to go back to the hospital as soon as possible.”

A brief moment of silence filled the air as Bokuto took a deep breath before going on, “They said a small tumor had formed on my pancreas. But they were confident that with treatment, I would be alright. We all thought that we had caught it early enough.”

A lump formed in Kuroo throat. _No, this-_

“Remember that trip I took the month before our first semester started?”

Closing his eyes tight to keep any tears from forming, Kuroo nodded his head. “Yeah. You and your parents went to Korea to celebrate your graduation.”

“Yeah, well that was pretty much a lie. The real reason we had gone was for a surgery. My dad found a really good doctor there so we flew out to Korea with hoping they could fix it or..me.” Bokuto clasped his hands together, setting his chin atop them. “But during the surgery they ended up finding out that things were a lot worse than originally thought.”

“Wh-,” Kuroo felt his chest tighten as it became hard to breath. “Why didn’t you tell me anything.”

“I was going to, really I was. But first I wanted to get through the season. I mean I had made all those promises but it was becoming more and more evident that I wouldn’t be able to keep them. So I was really banking everything on our first season.” Bokuto defended, his voice weakening with each word he spoke. “But then the accident happened and you were already devastated enough, how could you tell me I was suppose to add to that? Plus I just wanted you to focus on getting better.”

“Don’t you dare use me as an excuse!” Kuroo said firmly. “You’re literally dying! What I’m going through doesn’t even begin to compare!”

“Well regardless I knew that if you knew, you would want to stay! And I didn't want that. I wanted you to focus on getting better.”

“So what! That was your decision to make! It was mine.”

“That’s the point, I didn’t want you to have to make that decision. You are more important.”

The tears Kuroo had been holding back threatened to fall, and he turned his back to Kuroo. “I-I think I need to leave. This is a lot and I’m gonna need time to process it all.”

Bokuto nodded, “Go ahead. Though I don’t think I have much left to give you.”

Kuroo’s hands balled into fists. “Well whose fault is that?!”

Not saying anything else, Kuroo took off towards the door as fast as his legs would carry him. _Why did it have to be like this?!_

“Tetsu,” Bokuto called out for last time.

Kuroo froze just before the threshold and a sudden wave of nostalgia coming over him as remember the events from three years prior. “What?”

“No matter what happens, I just want you to know I love you.”

Kuroo lip began to quiver uncontrollably like a child that had been pushed past endurance. He had always dreamed of this day, of this confession. But it wasn't suppose to happen like this. “Why are you telling me that now? Stupid.” Kuroo said before gathering up all the strength he had left, and leaving. Not even sparing a single glance to the man who had just confessed to him.

Outside in the parking lot, Kenma waited patiently against the back of his car.

 _Maybe I should of stayed with him?_ He pondered. Though just as he began to consider the idea of going in his phone began to vibrate as Akaashi’s picture flashed across the screen.

“Hello?” Kenma answered.

“Hey, what are you up to? Have you picked up Kuroo yet?”

“Yeah, I got him an hour or two ago.”

“That long ago? What have you been doing?”

“He wanted to go to the university.”

“The university? Why?”

“Who knows.”

“Have you told him yet?”

A dark cast came over Kenma’s face as he hesitated before speaking, “No I haven’t. I think I’m gonna wait a few days so he can get settled first.”

“A well I think it would be good if you took him to see him,” said Akaashi. “I just went a few day’s ago and it was nice. I felt a lot better after I went.”

“Yeah, that might be good. Where’s he at again?”

“Nagoyama.”

“Can you text me the address?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to come too? I feel bad leaving you to tell him.”

“No I think the less peop-” Midway through his sentence, Kenma spotted a teary eyed Kuroo making his way towards the car. “Hey I’m going to call you back later.”

“Alright.”

Hanging up the phone Kenma walked over to Kuroo, “Hey are you alright?”

“Let’s just go.” Kuroo mumbled as he walked past Kenma and towards the car.

“Hey,” Kenma repeated, grabbing Kuroo by the wrist. “What happened?! Talk to me.”

Kuroo remained silent, his own thoughts still swirling with confusion. “I don’t know how to talk about it.” He admitted. “Just nothing makes sense. He really played me, that jerk.”

“Who played you?”

“Bokuto!” Kuroo barked. “That stupid, no good idiot!”

At this point, the amount of tears pouring down Kuroo’s cheeks had increased ten fold. Kenma’s hand released Kuroo’s wrist and dropped off to the side, his own heart breaking at the sight of his friend’s broken demeanor.

“What do you mean?” Kenma asked shakily, a small chill having gone down his spine.

“He's dying. Like actually dying but never had the balls to tell me.” Kuroo explained. "Can you believe that?"

“What?”

“Yeah!” Kuroo exclaimed. “And to think he had the nerve to come up to me and act like it wasn’t a big deal. That he didn’t tell me because he had my best interest in mind. What a load of shit!”

“He came up to you?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“In the gym. He’s probably still there now.”

The hair around them became cold as a sudden weight laid atop Kenma’s chest. “But that’s impossible?”

With a small sniffled Kuroo looked at his friend in complete bafflement, “What’s impossible?”

“That you saw Bokuto.”

“No it’s not. He’s there go see for yourself.”

Kenma shook his head, “Get in the car.”

“What?”

“You heard.” Kenma said as he walked over and got into the driver's seat.

Though confused, Kuroo didn’t have any other options but to do as he was told. Pulling out of the university parking lot, Kuroo wiped his tears. Now concerned for his friend. “Where are we going?”

Kenma shook his head, “You’ll see.”

Kuroo sat back in his seat, slightly alarmed by his best friend change in demeanor. After a long ride, the car came to a stop. Kenma turned to Kuroo with cold eyes.

“What is it man?” Kuroo asked.

“At the school, are you sure it was Bokuto you saw?”

“Look my legs might of been broken but I’m not blind.”

“It's just that's not possible.” Kenma said, his eyebrows knitting together as he spoke.

“List-”

“No. Kuroo that's not possible because-” Kenma paused for a moment then continued. “Bokuto died last year.”

“What?” Kuroo asked. “No that can't be. I was just talking to him.”

“I'm telling you that's impossible,” Kenma spoke softly, hemis eyes peering into Kuroo's. “Watch get out of the car and follow me.”

Following behind Kenma, Kuroo noticed a large sign coming into view. _Nagoyama Cemetery._

Both boys walked down a long dirt trail, passing various different headstones along the way before coming to a complete stop.

“He's over there.” Kenma said pointing at a headstone less than 10 feet away.

Kuroo glanced at his friend then back at the headstone. _This couldn't be true. Could it?_

“Before his death Bokuto begged everyone not to tell you until you were fully recovered.” Kenma explained. “But it's impossible given what you were saying earlier.”

Kuroo stepped closer to the headstone and Kenma's voice gradually faded into the distance, “I didn't plan on telling you this way and I don't know what you think you saw but it wasn't Bokuto.”

Stepping in front of the grave, Kuroo could read the world boldly engraved into the headstone.

 

**Koutarou Bokuto**

**September 20th, 1998 to November 13th, 2018**

**Loving Son and Friend**

 

A sudden hole appeared in Kuroo's heart and salty tears began to flow unchecked from his eyes as the harsh reality took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely. His legs buckled, knees sinking into the ground as he stared at the tombstone. His mind was in shambles, still trying to comprehend what happened. Nothing felt real, it didn't make sense. He was so sure that Bokuto had just been standing right before him yet such a thing was just as Kenma said -- impossible.

Was it a ghost? Or all in his head? Had he perhaps gone insane?

Kuroo's confusion slowly dissipated into sadness as tears continued to embrace his eyes, making the letter's on Bokuto's headstone blur together. Waves of pain washing over him, his chest convulsing with each one.  
"You idiot!" Kuroo screamed, banging his fist atop the headstone.

He screamed again and again until there was nothing left inside of him but a black hole that slowly ate at his heart like deprived animal. Reality only continued to seep in, reminding Kuroo that he never got to tell Bokuto he loved him, not even once. He didn’t get the chance to hold him close, before he slipped away.

Gripping his chest, Kuroo pressed his forehead to the ground, it was cold but he didn't care because nothing would change the fact that this was as close as he would ever be able to get to him again.  
“I wish I would've known that was the last goodbye.” Kuroo spoke to the ground. “So I could of told you, I love you too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading! Any and all feed back is much appreciated.  
> |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||  
> Tumblr: RocketJams  
> Twitter: Rocket_Jams


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